As part of my work, I perform rewrites on my clients' letters, emails, web content and other pieces. The rewrites are made to enhance existing text, giving it more power and clarity.
For your interest and enjoyment, I've done a rewrite on an blast email I recevied from a LinkedIn group manager.
Here's the original email (with a few changes made to protect the group):
All,
If you have visited the CCC Professionals group today you probably have noticed significant changes to the group. LinkedIn has rolled out a new user interface. Unfortunately they have taken away many of the items group managers have used to organize groups and limited the ability to reduce spam in groups. LinkedIn is currently getting a lot of negative response from group owners and managers. I am not sure how things will progress, but my hands are tied in how I can manage the group for now.
As you probably know I have tried to keep the main discussion area to general discussion on ccc issues. LinkedIn has combined all news and discussion posts, so it will be a mixture of both items. They are supposed to introduce more moderating features, but we don't know when that will occur. I will do my best to bring value to you as a member of this group. I hope you have enjoyed the group so far, and I will continue to work on keeping people interested and involved, while reducing the time required to get to the information you need. When I hear of proposed changes from LinkedIn I will notify the group. If you have any questions or suggestions please notify me; however, understand there are now over 20,000 members and I do have a full-time (and time consuming) job! So, I may not get back to people. Thanks.
Here's my rewrite:
All,
If you've visited the CCC Professionals group today, you've most likely noticed significant changes to the group.
With the new interface and other changes, LinkedIn has removed many of the items managers have employed to organize groups and limited our ability to reduce spam. LinkedIn has also combined all news and discussion posts, so there's now a mixture of these items in one section.
LinkedIn is getting a lot negative response from group owners and managers regarding these changes. It's my hope that LinkedIn will respond to the feedback with additional changes and corrections.
A number of moderating features are expected to be introduced, but we don't have any rollout dates just yet. When I hear of proposed changes from LinkedIn, I will notify our members.
I will continue to bring value to our group members. I hope you've enjoyed the group to date and I will continue to strive to keep people interested and involved, while reducing your time needed to gather information.
If you have any questions or suggestions, please notify me. However, please understand there are now more than 20,000 members in our group and I do have a full-time (and time-consuming) job! I may not be able to respond to everyone I hear from.